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I got married (photo evidence below) so I’m not supposed to be working or sending out newsletters. I just wanted to chime in with a quick thought, because I owe you beautiful people an installment and because someone offered me a gem of wisdom that I wanted to pass on to you.
A lot of having a wedding turns out to be about preparation. You plan for months. You mastermind a minute-to-minute timeline. You squeeze in phone calls with florists and photographers between deadlines and Zoom meetings. You anticipate. You have feelings about how napkins should be folded. You hadn’t even known it was possible to have feelings about napkins.
Still, it's a shock when the day arrives. You mysteriously somehow still feel surprised. It’s here. It’s happening. The second you wake up, it’s already going by too quickly. You want to be present. You’re supposed to be present! But the next thing you know, you’re getting dressed and fiddling with a double zipper and a petticoat.
My photographer stopped me just about then. He’d been staying pretty invisible, trying to capture the candid moments. But he had to intervene. “Try to look as happy as you feel,” he said. And I knew instantly what he meant. I was so elated, but I was also kind of absent. I was missing it.
It sounds like ridiculous advice! “Try to look happy.” But I relaxed as soon as he said it. Oh, right! It’s my wedding day. That thing I’ve been looking forward to since I was four years old.
There are reasons to be unhappy about any number of things, and there’s nothing I despise more than someone telling you to put on a smiling face and buck up when you have every right to be upset. So don’t think that’s what I’m saying! I don’t believe in tricking yourself into joy. What I do think is that most of us are bad at letting ourselves feel—really revel in!—our own delight. We get overwhelmed; with zippers, with missing place cards; with weather forecasts. We get strained and preoccupied. It’s nice when someone is around to serve as a reminder that things are wonderful.
After that, I soaked it in. Everyone was boosted. Everyone got tested. Everyone got dressed, shaking out bits of glamour and revelry that they hadn’t had an excuse to show off in a long time. For 10 hours, I did my best to look as happy as I felt. I think I mostly pulled it off.
If only we all had talented photographers following us around, nudging us in the direction of our own joy. Most of the time, we have to summon that courage ourselves.
While I leave you here for now, two things I wrote that you should read!
Pop!
“How Balloons Blew Up,” New York Times, March 24, 2022
Kardashian and Housewives anthropologists will have seen these balloon installations at the parties of the rich and overexposed. I became obsessed with charting their rise. Read on for data visualization experts, life-size moss bears, and the meaning of the humble balloon.
Photo credit: Shawn Connell
“The Wedding Veil Whisperer” Town & Country, March 31, 2022
If you’re me and you meet someone like Alison Miller, the first thing you think is, I have to write about this person. Miller founded Monvieve, a label that produces the most luxurious veils the world has ever seen. She also happens to be a kind and intuitive person, who knows just what to do with an heirloom you’re looking to make your own.
So! What can I tell you about my wedding? What do you want to know? Should we talk about my bouquet? I feel like we should definitely talk about my bouquet.
