The Ancient Rabbinic Hack for Making Your House Feel Giant

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After several weeks of dithering, we started unpacking our wedding gifts this weekend. Things had gotten unruly in the foyer, with stacks of boxes taking on the unmistakable look of a Jenga tower just before it collapses. I’d never thought of the apartment as particularly airy or open, but the ever-expanding cardboard fortress we’d inadvertently constructed took what I would have described as “textured” and “lived in” into territory better characterized as “hobgoblin-esque.”

In the end, we spent several hours dismantling it and I spent at least a few of them thinking about how I should own a box-cutter.

The rest of the time I was hunting for shelf space and meditating on this old Jewish folktale. I’m sure there are a million versions of it, but here’s how the one I heard went: In a tiny town in Poland, a poor farmer lives with his wife and children in a one-room house. Everybody is constantly in everybody else’s way; the man can hardly hear himself think.

He is so unhappy that he goes to see the rabbi to ask his advice. The rabbi considers his predicament and says, “I can help you, but you have to do exactly as I say.” The man is desperate. He promises he will. The rabbi says, “Take your cow, your goat, and your chickens and move them into your house.”

The man thinks this sounds like pretty shitty advice, but true to his word, he does what the rabbi tells him. The next day he comes back despondent. The animals are tearing his house to shreds. His wife is threatening to flee. The chickens are clucking all over the place. No one can sleep.

“Let the chickens into the yard,” the rabbi tells him. He does, which helps. But he’s still miserable and comes back to complain. “You can let the goat out,” the rabbi says. Fine, great. It takes a few days, but the cow is finally allowed to leave too. The man returns elated.

His house! It’s huge!

Suffice it to say that by Sunday night, my apartment seemed enormous. Versailles-like.

I’m not one for Internet hacks, but I can swear by this one. If you’re feeling cramped in your living quarters, try cramming every square inch of floor space with unsightly boxes and then removing them six weeks later? It’s the home organization tip I know they’re not giving you over at HGTV.

The point is once all the boxes had been taken out and our apartment appeared to have taken potent steroids, we kept cleaning. Just a little tidying. We were already sweaty and exhausted. Why not keep the party going?

I dealt with the spice rack. I wiped down bottles of sesame oil and hot sauce—disgusting. You should absolutely be wiping these down more than I previously did—which was never.

Jason held up sheets of papers that I had been keeping around for months so that I could evaluate. Did I need the Labcorp bill I’d paid three weeks ago? No. What about this mailer from Chase? Three outdated issues of the New York Times? Two Zabar’s receipts? No—times three.

No one was more shocked when we were finished than our dog whose world had shifted on its axis in the span of about four hours. Entire corners of the apartment—previously concealed—were now his for sniffing.

Below, three things I found useful as I hunted for extra square footage in a one-bedroom apartment:

Yamazaki Tower White Adjustable Pot Lid and Frying Pan Organizer | Crate and Barrel |$46.00

Now that our pots and pans are gleaming steel and new, I’m determined to keep them in good condition. I’m no homewares expert, but I’m guessing it’s not great for cookware to be thrown into a low cabinet that it proceeds to fall out of as soon as someone opens the door. Doesn’t the idea of a pot and lid organizer sound like it could just solve every single problem you’ve ever had?

Black Premium Non-Slip Velvet Suit Hangers - Case of 40 | Container Store | $34.99

Just as I’m convinced that socks eat each other in the washing machine (the only possible explanation for the literal diminishing returns I experience after each load of laundry), I truly believe that dry cleaning hangers have developed the skills necessary to mate in New York City closets. Every time I open my closet door, they’ve reproduced.

I hate them.

End the cycle of spawning and replace them with these slim hangers to which I’ve pledged my devotion. Your clothes will look better and neater and cleaner. Your closet will seem bigger. You do not have to have an Instagram closet to have matching hangers.

Open Spaces Medium Wire Baskets - Set of 2 | Nordstrom | $70

I used to say I only believed in one organizational principle and it was: “It’s neat if it’s at a right angle.” Papers, old magazines, last year’s tax return? If you set its corner at 90 degrees, it’s neat!

I still basically adhere to this tenet, unless Jason gets really mad that a calendar from 2019 is still sitting on our coffee table. But now I have an amendment: “It’s also neat if it’s in a bin.” Dog toys, canvas tote bags, skincare I’ll probably never use up—put it in a bin! Magically organized.

I’m sorry to say I’m rather partial to this set of Instagrammy wire bins. They look polished and purposeful, without attracting any undue attention. Apologies, but they’re perfect. (We also have their shoe rack! You know what? Good!)